A Memory...

Every single time,
Every single Thursday night,
It's the same loop
Deja vu doesn't justify,
Repetition doesn't either
Cuz it's a little sharper everytime;
Just a little sharper.
It crawls from over my eyelids into my eyes, and all the way through to my heart
And agonizingly pierces the thin film of recovery
That has just started to blanket my sore heart.
And there,
I fail again.

Emergency
Numb
Nothing
Numb
Nothing
Numb

I bow my head down, fighting away the gush of tears that would break lose
If I just let one droplet sneak out.
But,
That's not me.
That's not the girl I know.
That's not the person I could dare to be.
How will I fight the everyday battles
If I collapsed right here?
So I bold it out as I break down within
And walk back home
Seemingly unaware
Untouched
Unaltered 
By the deep, dark, blood-red memory of the girl inside.

And I wonder
How long will this continue?